Sunday 24 March 2024

Arjille

I was looking forward to seeing this. Due to reasons, I missed it in the theatres, so had to wait for the VOD.

Elly is a writer... or is she? Is she a psychic that can predict the actions of spys? Or can she? Certainly one spy seems to think she has more capability than she thinks she does, so the Evil Spy Agency(tm) is now after her... or are they?

There are twists in this... and also a lot of unreliable narrator. Some of them I picked because... they were really obvious if you thought about things for a moment. Admittedly, in the cinema, I couldn't pause like I could here, to go "hang on, that doesn't make sense" or "that means that... that person is the thing." That's always the worst thing for stories with a "twist" in the plot, if you get time to think away from the story, you can jump to the obvious conclusions that are the right conclusions.

While we have big names in this, can I just start by saying I was disappointed in Dua Lipa's role. She has a lot of time in the trailer, but then only like five minutes of screen time. What was in the trailer was basically her entire role! And Henry Cavill wasn't much more. So we do rely on Bryce Dallas Howard and Sam Rockwell to carry us through... and yes there is Sam Rockwell dancing, so Matthew Vaughn didn't waste his appearance there.

And speaking of Vaughn, there are some classic Vaughn'ian bits, from colourful shot composition to, yes, colourful smoke. Does he get smoke by the volume or something? The most unconvincing parts are the CGI cat, as you can see in the trailer, which DO NOT WORK.

I was told I didn't need to see this on the big screen to get the experience and... sure, they were right. This is a fine movie, but not one to blow me away.

[END]

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Friday 22 March 2024

Ain't Afreeze of No Ghost

Big new Ghostbusters movie and... only about a dozen or so people at the premier? Apparently no-one cares.

So there's this MacGuffan ball that contains an old and powerful ghost... but never mind! Phoebe is have teenager's problems (due to being a minor). And Paul Rudd wants to be a parental role. And... the other kid is facing off against a ghost and... the previous Ghostbusters are here. All over the movie. More than cameo, but I can't really say relevant to the movie. Indeed... I'd be hard pressed to say a lot is relevant to the movie. There is a lot of setup in this movie. In fact, this movie is mostly set up. The final act feels very low key...

It's like they wanted to do an emotional movie, but had too many characters to flick around, and also had to staple a ghost movie onto it. This movie is very slow, and the ghost side is more backdrop than anything of import we needed a movie for.

Mckenna Grace and Paul Rudd are front and center in this movie, not being daughter and dad. The old Ghostbusters are around, and clearly the movie cares about them, but they really are cluttering up the place. Oh, and James Acaster is in this. I was not expecting him... speaking of characters cluttering up the place...

There is a potentially good movie in this, but you'll need to edit away the rest of it.

[END]

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Monday 18 March 2024

TTT'Omen

It's the last one! There is no more!! We have reached the Final Conflict!!!

Damian is in charge of a corporation that seems to be evil (so, a corporation yet), but it's time to return to his roots of being the American Ambassador to Great Britain, because it is the time of the second coming! And as anyone who knows, who knows their bible, this is the time where Damian kills the christ and takes command of the world... Oh wait.

First we have the return of the daggers, and seven priests who each take one to kill him... and their completely inane plans fail to work on all kinds of levels. But the stars have combined to say the new christ has come, so clearly the right step is to kill all new born males (sexist!). This seems to work well, with a potential problem of one of Damian's main adherents having a kid? But what is a little slaughter of the innocents if not a call back to the bible's passages.

Eventually we get the final confrontation of evil vs ... random people. Good here is about as actively taking a role as evil does. Again Damian barely does anything evil himself, just takes advantage of a lot of other people doing work for him, so why not christ doing the same?

The big thing here is Damian is... our own Sam Neill! Yes, of course, the American Devil raised in England has a New Zealand accent! It's only natural! Sam clearly devours several scenes, and his trademark smirk is the right note for several "yes, I am evil!" scenes. I'm sure the other main actors are also well known, but I don't know them.

There are few on screen deaths, and lots of implied ones around the babies. Again, no photographs are taken. Although I'm not sure if they could claim that no animals were harmed? Certainly the reverse is portrayed to happen.

While this movie claims to be a big conflict, it's more about Damian dealing with the coming of christ and not really a conflict there at all. As such, there is a whole lot of nothing happening. Watchable nothing, but really this isn't much of a final battle as the title would suggest.

So... no more movies then?

[END]

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Sunday 17 March 2024

tips hatM'dame Web

Okay, time to see the not MCU movie that people (by which I mean the actors involved) thought was MCU.

In the casual part of Peru everyone can get to, there are secret spiders that the obviously clearly bad guy grabs. Cut to Cassie hating children (so there's her arc!), who falls into the water and activates her powers, although badly. PEPSI She accidentally gets into the same train as three young woman who are clearly not in their twenties and the bad guy who some people can see if they are related to the plot. They run away and avoid fight scenes because they were only visions from Cassie, which is a cop out we were already tired of when Twilight did it. Cassie pops over the easy to access Peru to get thirty years of therapy in ten seconds of exposition, and then win using Nic Cages powers from Next. PEPSI COLA.

This movie was... boring. Like not even "bad in an enjoyable way". Just huge slabs of "I don't care, I have other things to do." I'm sure some people cared when they were making this movie, but then some thought they were in MCU and expected more. In many ways this movie is fine, but nothing amazing takes place, either in the script or in production.

But at least they made fun of Peter's parents dying...

[END]

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Saturday 9 March 2024

Poooor Things

Oscar likes this movie, so I suppose I can watch it.

As shown in the trailer, Bella is a baby in her mother's body... now I don't want to fact check the scientific accuracy of this movie which has random creatures fused together, but I don't think that works that way. Bella certainly seems to pick things up quickly (although we don't get a real sense of how much time passes) and goes out into the world... and manages to deal with it quite well. A lot of people don't seem concerned with how odd she is, and she gains a lot of experiences. This is a rather entertaining tale, with an extreme fantastical bent.

Emma Stone does the good job you've heard. She certainly puts a lot into her physical acting, but again I'm not entirely sure I believe her "baby in a body" status. Willem DeFoe isn't an immediately evil bastard. Remy Youssef has a nice quiet role, and Mark Ruffalo is also in this movie.

I'm sure people will get more out of this than I did, so I can only recommend going reading what they have to say.

[END]

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Wednesday 6 March 2024

TT'Omen

Because there's a prequel coming, and for no other reason, sure, let's watch more Omens.

After a prologue to get rid of some characters from the first movie, we move on to Damian about to become a teenager. His new guardian father is in charge of a big plant with pesticides, and there's a subplot about doing something not illegal, but unethical, so they don't do it, and isn't that nice in those innocent times. (Of course, the person stopping that is killed, and the plan sort of goes ahead, although more deaths later probably put a stop in it? I wonder about deleted scenes.) Anyway, people get interested in Damian and then they die. Someone points out Revelation to him, so he comes to realise he's the devil's son, but apparently doesn't read until the end of the book and find out what happens to himself?

Again we have that deaths are happening around Damian without his seeming knowledge or control (aside from one near the end) so... this is really just the first movie again. "Damian must be defeated... oh no, I'm dead!" Although there is no gimmick with photographs, just a random raven turning up now and again.

Our lead older actor this time is William Holden, and there are a number of notable side roles for Sylvia Sidney, Allan Arbus, and oh, is that Lance Henriksen? It is! The closest we get to evil Englishman is Robert Foxworth, and you can tell he's evil because he has a perm haircut. There is a good death in an elevator, but again we get silly dummy death due to a truck that is just amusing.

Overall, I'm sure it did well, but this is just the first movie again with some small acceptance of Damian knowing who he is now, so... maybe next time he might actually do something?

[END]

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Wednesday 28 February 2024

Planetaryquack

Oh lord, back on my bullshit. With this Asylum movie that is "what if there was a planet sized quake?" only not really and in a way in which it only matters to a handful of people they can show on screen.

An undersea nuclear bomb is accidentally dropped, setting off an earthquake that will slowly go around the ring of fire from Japan to eventually hitting the US 72 hours later, because of course only what impacts the US matters. Fortunately, against this is one geologist scientist, her assistant, and her smart brother. They fire some orbital lasers to heat up the plate to stop the incoming energy, but that doesn't work. So then they use four local oil rigs to release gas to relieve the pressure, but that doesn't work either as two of the rigs blow up. Fortunately, they can send a missile down one of the rigs to... explode and create a volcano that saves the day??

Geophysics doesn't get a look it, does it?

Also, the scientist's daughter is on a plane that crashes, and her husband is a military man that heads up search and rescue, and his one mission is to go find his daughter (who saves herself). So... they are also in this movie.

This is a mixture of scenes of "a handful of people in small room sets" plus "random stock footage of search and rescue teams" and, of course, "bad cgi". There are also more people just off screen, but they have lines, and it's just unfortunate that they aren't on camera when they talk.

This is Not Good, but as soon as I heard the premise "A tectonic shift deep below the Mariana Trench causes a series of ever escalating earthquakes. If a team of leading seismologists fails to stop the disaster, the events will break apart the Earth, resulting in billions of casualties." I had to check it out.

Ultimately, yes, it's as bad as you think.

[END]

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